What Happened to My Pants?

Pretend you are a recovering alcoholic who falls off the wagon while attending your high school reunion. Start your story with “I hadn’t had a drink in nearly 10 years” and end it with “If only I could remember where I left my pants.”

I hadn't had a drink in nearly 10 years, but tonight that was going to change. See, I quit for my wife, and my kids. When my oldest was born, I put that bottle away and became the world's best dad. Now, that bitch is divorcing me, taking half my money, and full custody of the kids. I figure, I'll go to this reunion tonight, get a little inebriated, and maybe go home with one of my high school sweethearts. I wonder if Donna Shelley will be there tonight...?

I walk up to the table set up outside the Oakvale High gymnasium. Unfortunately for me, I knew both women sitting at the table. They are gossips, big ones. Better not say anything about the divorce. Without so much as a smile, I find mine and the soon to be ex's name tags and walk inside.

Typical 80's prom-type theme; Actually, these might be the same decorations they used at our Senior Prom. There is a small three piece band on stage, creating noises that most would not consider melodic. To the left of the stage is a table put out with food. As my eyes continue to scour the room, I see it: The open bar.

I walk up, like I own the damn place. I don't care what people think, I'm getting shibby tonight! Bartender asks what I'll have. "2 double Bourbons, neat" "Very good sir" he responds. "Go ahead and put them in the same glass, and bring a couple of lime wedges". He brings me my drink, I take a big gulp, and then suck juice from the lime as a backer. Oh yeah, tonight's going to be a hell of a night.

"Trying to get somewhere in a hurry, are we?" A beautiful brunette woman standing next to me chimes in. "What's it to you?" "Oh nothing, I just figured if you were going to go down that road, maybe you could use a travel companion". I take another big gulp and a lime backer. "Oh yeah, where you trying to get to?" "How about the equipment closet, 10 minutes?" She speaks seductively. "Straight and to the point, I like it." She starts to walk off, but spins around to say "Bring a couple more of those with you" pointing to my drink as I take another gulp. Damn, she's smoking hot!

I get the drinks as the band stops playing. Susie Hempstat makes her way to the stage, as she is the coordinator of the event. No surprise really, Hempstat was on the prom planning committee, and the homecoming. I think she is actually a party planner now.

"Hello, and welcome to the class of '83!" The gymnasium erupts in applause. "We are so glad to have everyone here, we will be having fun activities throughout the night, including some superlative awards! Now there are voting ballots in the back, and voting is about to close so make your way over...".

A guy next to me mentions his wife dragged him along. He asks me where my old ball and chain is. "Ain't got one anymore". He tries to continue our conversation, but to no avail. I start to drown it all out and think about my brunette booty call. I definitely need to make my way to the equipment closet. I put the drinks down for a second to check my pockets. Condom? Check. Breath Spray? I take it out and use it. Check. I grab the drinks and go.

"Traveled the furthest, James Tratnow!" I see the closet, and quickly slip inside. There she is, tall brunette lady in her revealing strapless cocktail dress. "Give me that, and take those off" I hand her drink to her, and I undo my pants. She downs the Bourbon (4 shot equivalent), and hikes her dress up to reveal no undergarments. I gulp on mine, and lunge in for the passionate canoodling that is to ensue.

I throw her against the wall. "Most changed,  Donna/Donald Shelley!" Geez, I'm glad I didn't pursue that. She scratches my chest. "Best dressed, Richie Tomlin!" I knock over a trashcan and bend her over it, coming from behind. "Most eligible bachelorette, Cindy Dawson!" She bites my neck and lets out a small moan of ecstasy. "Most eligible bachelor...Scott Wayne!"

I can hear them calling my name with a wave of applause. I stop. They want me on stage, now if only I could remember where I left my pants....

The Missing Shoe

Prompt: Walking home, you find a shoe on the side of the road. What kind of shoe is it? Who is its owner? What happened? Why is the shoe there? Where is the other shoe now? You can use all of these questions or just one to explore what happened.

 I look down at the bright red stiletto lying on the ground. There are scuff marks on the toe, and the heel has been snapped barely hanging by a thread. Upon bending down to examine it closer, I notice there is a small pool of blood that has accumulated in the bottom of the shoe. It is hard to notice at first, as the shade is very similar to that of the shoe. There also seems to be blood droplets on the ground. I follow them until the drops turn into toe prints. The toe prints go on until I can no longer see the high way which I pulled off of.

The blood on the ground is not much, not enough for a person to bleed out from. Realizing this, I start to call out. "Hello, is anybody here?!" No answer. I continue to call as I walk further into the tall thicket of corn plants. There is no longer blood on the ground, had our shoe-owner healed already, or found away to patch themselves up? Out of the corner of my eye, I see something bright red; it's the other stiletto. 

Geez, what was this, some kind of nutty party gone wrong? Or had someone been seriously hurt? "Miss!? Hello??" Still no response. As I wander aimlessly, I realize I have become lost in the corn field. Even though I am tall, the stalks of the corn plants reach above my head so I cannot see any significant distance. Damn, this is what I get for being a good Samaritan.

I pick up my speed and temporarily forget about the bloody stilettos. Moving at a brisk canter, I come to a clearing with a large red barn. Surprisingly it has been up-kept, and looks to be brand new. The barn door is open so I take a gander inside.

Walking into the barn, I immediately notice a person face down in the hay. It looks to be a women, in a red dress. I start walking over to her. I can she is barefoot and notice bloodied blisters on her feet, thank god it is not something more serious. I think this is who I've been looking for.

As I walk up, I bend down to place my hand on the woman's shoulder. When I go to flip her, I get a strong wiff of alcohol, and a bottle of tequila comes loose. I take a look at the face...

...and it's a dude. Like a drunk frat dude or something. He's totally zonked, not even realizing I am there. Well this was a disappointment. I guess some of his asshole frat brothers dressed him like a woman and left him here in the corn field. I toss the stilettos I've been carrying next to the drunken cross-dresser. The noise startles him and he starts to squirm in his red dress. His eye makeup begins to run as he mumbles incoherently. "Take it easy there. Sleep it off and have your buddies come and get you when you're sober." Then, he pisses himself. What a waste of my time...